i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
why is half of my head shaved?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize