I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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