why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
