apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
