I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize