someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
