glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
