nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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