I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
