I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
