apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
