is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
where am i from again
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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