pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
