i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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