Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
