I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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