So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
