He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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