Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
