i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
