you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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