So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My vagina just recognized that song.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
