I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
