Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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