I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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