She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
