I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
