i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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