The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
