Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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