I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
