Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
