he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize