you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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