I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
