I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
