Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
