I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize