It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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