New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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