i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How naked do you want me to be?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
