I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
my liver is dry heaving
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
