Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do herpes really smell.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
