the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
