We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
