my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
