there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize