Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
