my vag is so smooth its legendary
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
