I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
