Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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