I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
