I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
