I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
