She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
