Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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