dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have aggressive nipples.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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