Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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