I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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