He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
