I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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