He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
