i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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