You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
