its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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