And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
