It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
