He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
