last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
