he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize