I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
