A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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