I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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