Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
