The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize