dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
