I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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