Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
