so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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