Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize