why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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