why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
