I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My liver just had a heart attack.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Randomize
